Transcript
[0:01] (music)
[0:28] - [Teana] And without further ado,
[0:29] I want to introduce Lily and her band.
[0:33] Um, can I call you
that, Lily and Her Band?
[0:37] (laughing)
[0:38] - [Lily] That's perfect,
that's totally perfect.
[0:40] - [Teana] Great.
[0:41] Alright, so, many of you
probably already know,
[0:44] but Lily is the co-founder and director
[0:46] of the Brooklyn Yoga School.
[0:47] That's a donation-based yoga studio
[0:51] that's been around for
seven years, right Lily?
[0:54] - [Lily] Yeah, seven years this March.
[0:56] - [Teana] That's great.
[0:58] So, she's been also teaching
yoga for over 10 years
[1:04] and she really took a
liking to the Bhakti Yoga.
[1:10] So, chanting, mantras
and the traditional call
[1:13] and response style,
and that's a little bit
[1:15] of what we'll be doing tonight.
[1:18] And after that I'll introduce Sharon.
[1:21] So, here we go.
[1:24] - [Lily] Hello, hello, hello.
[1:26] How's everybody doing?
[1:29] You're ready to like get
into it tonight, right?
[1:32] Valentines Day.
[1:36] It's so nice to be here.
[1:39] I'm usually at events with
Sharon, but not on the stage.
[1:42] As most of you know me,
I'm her assistant also.
[1:46] So, it's very nice to be here
with you in this capacity
[1:50] and share this practice with you.
[2:00] (chanting music)
[16:29] - [Lily] So we're gonna bring
the lovely Sharon up now.
[16:36] - [Teana] Thank you, that was beautiful.
[16:40] So, Sharon, as many of
you know,
[16:47] she's a central figure in
the field of meditation,
[16:51] a world-renowned teacher
[16:52] and New York Times Bestselling Author.
[16:57] She has played a crucial
role in bringing meditation
[17:01] and mindfulness practices to the West,
[17:05] and into mainstream culture,
[17:07] since she first started teaching in 1974.
[17:12] She's the co-founder of The
Insight Meditation Society
[17:16] in Barre, Massachusetts and
she actually just told me
[17:19] that today is the 41st
anniversary of that center.
[17:25] (applauding)
[17:32] A few years back, we actually
hosted the book launch
[17:36] of "Love Your Enemies" which she co-wrote
[17:39] with Robert Thurman.
[17:43] And, I was just inspired this year,
[17:45] when looking at our
programming, to invite Sharon
[17:49] to speak on that very topic tonight.
[17:54] And, a few months back,
I didn't really realize
[17:56] how relevant it might be on a
[17:57] sort of a more international
scale, but here we are.
[18:05] So, her books include "Real Happiness"
[18:08] and the book, "Lovingkindness".
[18:10] We have "Lovingkindness" outside for sale
[18:12] as well as "Love Your Enemies".
[18:17] By the way, she has a new book
coming out called "Real Love"
[18:22] and we will also be
hosting the book launch
[18:25] for that book, June 6th.
[18:28] We have set the date,
so mark your calendars,
[18:30] the launch of Real Love
on June 6th with Sharon.
[18:35] - [Sharon] Yay.
[18:36] (applauding)
[18:37] - [Teana] Take it away.
[18:38] - [Sharon] Thank you.
[18:40] Hello, hello.
[18:41] How's that for sound?
[18:43] Well, thank you so much
for the lovely introduction
[18:45] and for the invitation.
[18:48] And, yes, you are the first
people to know about June 6th.
[18:53] So, yeah, it's very exciting
[18:56] and I see the President
of IMS's board here,
[19:00] one of the hardest working
people in the world.
[19:03] (applauding)
[19:05] And, so thank you, and I was,
[19:07] when I saw you come in, I had
the thought of asking you,
[19:10] which you don't have to answer right now,
[19:12] did you know how hard it was gonna be?
[19:14] (laughing) Yeah, there's a lot of work.
[19:17] And, but it's because of
the service of many people
[19:20] and people coming to sit, of course,
[19:21] that the place is actually
flourishing, 41 years later,
[19:27] which is the most beautiful thought,
[19:28] and it's nice that we began it,
[19:32] we moved in on Valentine's
Day, when we were children.
[19:39] Thank you, yeah, that's better.
[19:42] Thank you.
[19:44] So, yes, love your enemies, what a time.
[19:49] I'm actually (laughing) thinking first,
[19:53] more of a previous book that I wrote,
[19:56] which is called "A Heart
as Wide as the World".
[20:02] And, in writing that book,
[20:07] the publisher had a
different title in mind
[20:09] for quite a long time,
[20:12] and it was only when I heard a
colleague of mine give a talk
[20:15] when I was sitting there,
[20:17] and she used the term, a
heart as wide as the world,
[20:21] that, I thought, oh, that's it.
[20:23] I didn't really much care
for the previous title,
[20:26] but I couldn't think of
what might replace it.
[20:29] So then I called the publisher,
[20:32] who was not that happy to hear from me,
[20:34] and I said, I want this title instead.
[20:38] And we were some ways into the process.
[20:40] So, they had already designed a cover,
[20:42] and so they were really gracious enough
[20:47] to exceed to my wishes, and
it was then a mad scramble
[20:51] to get a new cover.
[20:53] And, certainly, you think a
heart as wide as the world,
[20:56] you think of like expansiveness
and openness, right?
[21:01] So, they started, this
was quite a long time ago,
[21:03] and they started just mailing
me these various options,
[21:09] and, you know, one of them, I remember,
[21:10] was like a copy of a Van Gogh print,
[21:14] I don't remember the painting,
[21:18] and it was like this big yellow sky,
[21:21] and a few like crumbled huts down
[21:23] on the bottom of the picture,
[21:26] and it was like the most
desolate, depressing scene.
[21:28] I thought, first of all, who's happy
[21:30] to see like a big yellow
sky, and then I said
[21:34] to somebody, it looks
like it could be the cover
[21:36] of The Grapes of Wrath or something like,
[21:39] those huts were like falling apart.
[21:43] But, I wasn't really
confident in my own vision,
[21:46] so I showed it to a bunch of friends
[21:48] and I'll never forget, I
showed it to one friend
[21:50] and she just took a
look at is and she said,
[21:53] that looks like a world
that could use some love.
[21:57] And that phrase has really stayed with me
[21:59] and been coming up a tremendous
amount in these days,
[22:03] this looks like a world
that could use some love.
[22:05] And one of my own personal
desires and commitments is
[22:10] to have love be part of the conversation,
[22:13] when it could be so easily left out
[22:17] in times of great adversity, and,
[22:19] for many people, a lot of fear
[22:23] and contentiousness and division.
[22:27] And we can easily overlook
the concept of love,
[22:31] the power of love.
[22:33] It can be so easily
confused with giving in
[22:38] and being obsequious and not
standing up for anything.
[22:42] And so, I also think
it's a tremendous time
[22:45] to take a look, like,
[22:46] what do we really think makes us strong?
[22:50] And what's our experience
about what drags us down
[22:54] or makes us weak and so on.
[22:56] So, this is the day devoted
to the exploration of love,
[23:00] although perhaps commonly
in a rather limited way.
[23:04] (laughing) You know, here we are.
[23:06] It's very interesting.
[23:06] I tweeted today a quote
from my goddaughter,
[23:11] who, at the time she said
it, was seven years old,
[23:15] or so, she was something like seven.
[23:18] And, it was the year, she and her mother
[23:21] and younger sister were visiting London
[23:24] and it was the year of
the London Metro bombing.
[23:28] And, they live here ordinarily,
[23:31] very close to the World Trade Center.
[23:33] So, this was the second time
in her really young life
[23:38] that she heard about or even witnessed a,
[23:43] you know, terrible attack.
[23:45] And, I knew they were fine physically,
[23:49] but I wrote to her mother
and I said, well, how is she?
[23:53] And, her mom wrote back
and said, you know,
[23:55] she told her what had happened,
[23:58] and the first thing, Willa
is my goddaughter's name,
[24:01] the first thing Willa
said was, let's pray.
[24:05] So, they sat down together
and then Willa said,
[24:07] I wanna go first.
[24:09] And, her mom said, okay.
[24:11] And then, what Willa's prayer was was,
[24:14] may all the bad people find
the love in their hearts.
[24:19] And I was so moved and astonished by that.
[24:22] I thought, first of all, in contrast to me
[24:26] and most of the people
I knew, who were like,
[24:28] are the subways safe, you
know, what about me, you know?
[24:32] And to have that recognition, you know,
[24:36] this is a wrongful act,
this should not happen,
[24:40] and, why does it happen?
[24:42] Because people can't find
the love in their hearts.
[24:45] And, to think of that as the remedy,
[24:47] I thought, okay, there it is right there.
[24:49] So, that was my tweet of the day,
[24:53] and then I added, may we all
find the love in our hearts
[24:58] in doing that.
[24:59] So, "Love Your Enemies".
[25:03] That was a book that I co-wrote
with Bob, as was just said,
[25:11] and that was also a title I was,
[25:13] I was not completely enthusiastic about,
[25:17] although I had no say in the end about it.
[25:21] It was, I kept being concerned
[25:24] that it was like a step too far.
[25:27] You know, like people would feel
[25:29] perhaps they were being lectured
to or it was too idealistic
[25:35] and really fed into our fear
about being conflict avoidant
[25:39] and denying our pain and suffering
[25:42] just to bow down to the needs of others.
[25:47] And so, I was concerned, but
that was the title nonetheless.
[25:53] And interestingly enough,
most of the pushback came,
[25:57] not from that, but from the word enemies,
[26:00] which people felt were,
many people felt was
[26:04] too rigid a term and too dismissive a term
[26:08] and, in itself, was divisive.
[26:10] But, it is actually the
common term that's used
[26:14] in translations from Buddhist texts,
[26:17] which we tend to say difficult people,
[26:21] but if you were practicing in Burma,
[26:23] for example, they'd say enemy.
[26:25] Do you have an enemy?
[26:28] And, some people, you know, felt,
[26:30] at the time this book came
out, in their personal lives,
[26:34] yes, there were people
who had tried to harm them
[26:37] or they were afraid
would harm someone else,
[26:41] and it was a very real and realistic fear,
[26:44] it wasn't just made up by any means.
[26:48] But, there were a lot of people who felt,
[26:51] not so much, and interestingly enough,
[26:55] of course, we live in a time
that, just a few years later,
[26:58] it's very different and
many, many, many people say,
[27:01] yeah, I have enmity, you know,
[27:05] I have a tremendous sense
of separation and dislike
[27:11] and fear towards somebody.
[27:13] So, the model of the book, I
think is an interesting model
[27:16] to look at, and it's based
on this Tibetan system,
[27:21] so it came from Bob,
[27:25] where often in describing something
[27:28] in the Buddhist psychology, especially
[27:31] in the Tibetan system, they
have these four categories,
[27:34] the outer, the inner, the
secret and the most secret.
[27:41] So, the outer enemy is that figure,
[27:45] somebody who has hurt us,
somebody who may well hurt us
[27:49] or somebody we may fear
will hurt us, who's harmful,
[27:53] whose behavior is detrimental
to us or to others.
[28:00] And then there's the inner enemy.
[28:03] It's those forces which come up and,
[28:07] if they take over, they
cause us tremendous suffering
[28:13] and they cause suffering
to others as well.
[28:16] So, forces like grasping, greed,
[28:21] hatred, fear itself, jealousy.
[28:26] Now, the idea isn't
that you should feel bad
[28:28] about feeling these things,
we feel what we feel,
[28:31] and there's a real integrity
in being able to acknowledge,
[28:35] this is what I'm feeling.
[28:37] This is more about a question of,
[28:38] what about when these forces take over,
[28:41] when they dominate our lives
[28:43] to such an extent that
they define our choices,
[28:47] that our worldview gets, ah,
[28:51] constructed by the
characteristics of those forces.
[28:56] So, one of the characteristics
of those states,
[28:58] again, not when we just feel them,
[29:00] but when they're really dominant,
[29:04] is kind of tunnel vision, right?
[29:07] If you think about the
last time you were really,
[29:08] really afraid, for example,
it's not likely a time
[29:13] when you were thinking, you know what,
[29:15] if it doesn't work out this way,
[29:17] maybe it'll work out that way.
[29:18] It's like, it's not gonna work.
[29:21] Or think about the last
time you were really angry
[29:23] at yourself, however long
ago that might have been,
[29:29] it's probably not a time
where you were thinking,
[29:33] well, I did five great things
the same morning I said
[29:39] that really stupid thing.
[29:41] It's like, those five
great things, they're gone,
[29:44] they've just evaporated.
[29:46] I sometimes tell the story about,
[29:50] from the olden days of email,
[29:52] which is such a funny thing to say,
[29:54] but it was like the olden days of email,
[29:56] and I was home in Barre working
[29:59] on something on my desktop computer
[30:02] and I heard that sound,
like, you've got mail
[30:04] and I got so excited.
[30:06] Remember when you used to get
really excited (laughing).
[30:10] And there was that sound, like wow,
[30:12] I have email, somebody sent me an email.
[30:15] So, I got online and
there was somebody writing
[30:17] to me saying, I don't understand
the problem with anger.
[30:22] So, I wrote back and I
said, well, you know,
[30:24] it's not, again, it's not a
problem with feeling anger,
[30:27] it could be a problem
when anger's overwhelming,
[30:30] when it just completely
distorts our perception.
[30:36] And I said, the problem with
getting lost in anger is
[30:40] that we tend to put people in a box.
[30:43] And then I got offline and
I went back to my project
[30:49] and something went really terribly wrong
[30:51] in the relationship between my computer
[30:53] and my printer, and I got really angry.
[30:55] And I got down on my hands and knees
[30:57] and I was pulling out plugs
and putting in other plugs,
[31:00] and the first person I was angry at was,
[31:02] we didn't even have the
phrase IT in those days,
[31:05] was somebody we called
our computer assistant,
[31:07] I was furious, who was
in Hawaii on vacation.
[31:12] All I could think was, you are
never here when I need you.
[31:15] How dare you be in Hawaii on vacation,
[31:17] it's like totally forgetting
that the reason he was
[31:20] on vacation was that I had
decided he needed a vacation,
[31:24] and the reason he was
[31:25] in Hawaii was that I
had gone to the airport
[31:27] and used my frequent flyer
miles to get him a ticket.
[31:31] But, he was gone, he
betrayed me, he's not here.
[31:35] He's never here.
[31:37] And the next person I was
really angry at was myself,
[31:39] it was like, you are so
clumsy, you're such a dolt,
[31:42] you can't fix anything, why
can't you fix this thing,
[31:45] why didn't you learn anything about it?
[31:46] And, in the meantime, I fixed it.
[31:48] You know, but I didn't even take a moment
[31:50] to like breathe and be grateful,
[31:52] like, wow, I fixed it, I just got back up
[31:54] on my chair grumbling and went
back to work on the project,
[31:58] and then I heard that sound
again, that magical sound,
[32:01] and I went back to email
[32:04] and it was my original
correspondence saying,
[32:06] I don't understand what you mean
[32:08] when you say that when we get lost
[32:10] in anger we just put people in a box.
[32:12] So I wrote to him and I said,
[32:13] well, this is just what happened.
[32:15] You know, I put this guy in
a box, I put myself in a box,
[32:18] it's not that that state is bad or wrong
[32:20] or doesn't sometimes give
us great information,
[32:23] 'cause it can, but its very
nature is like constricting,
[32:26] it's like we're in this vise,
we don't see many options,
[32:30] creativity tends to die right there.
[32:34] They also say in the Buddhist psychology
[32:36] that anger is like a forest fire
[32:38] which burns up its own support.
[32:40] It can devastate us as the host, right?
[32:45] So, one of the goals is, first of all
[32:49] to understand the nature
of what we're feeling,
[32:53] not like after we've sent the email,
[32:54] not after we've lashed out at somebody,
[32:58] but as a feeling is starting to come,
[33:01] and then decide, you know,
do I want to nurture this,
[33:06] do I want to let it go,
[33:08] is there somewhere in between, actually,
[33:10] where I want to hang out with it,
[33:13] and yet not let it make my
decisions for me quite yet?
[33:21] You know, maybe you write that email
[33:22] and you don't press send right away,
[33:25] you hang out with it a bit or, um,
[33:29] when I was working on this
book Real Happiness at Work,
[33:32] somebody suggested to me, send
the email to yourself first,
[33:38] so you get to experience
it as the recipient,
[33:41] how does that feel?
[33:43] Then decide if you're gonna send it on.
[33:44] There's lots of options when
we're not completely consumed
[33:48] by one of those feelings.
[33:50] So, all of those difficult feelings
[33:55] or problematic states are probably
[33:57] because when we're lost in them,
[34:00] we get so separated from
how things actually are,
[34:06] we're imprisoned by the
force of the very feeling.
[34:09] Or, I keep looking at these extraordinary,
[34:12] extraordinary calligraphies on the wall
[34:15] and thinking, you know, what's it like
[34:19] to really appreciate it,
and what's it like to think,
[34:25] the only way I'll ever be
happy is to own one of these.
[34:29] (laughing)
[34:31] Those are different states, right?
[34:37] So, I have a friend
named Barbara Fredrickson
[34:40] who is a psychologist and researcher
[34:45] at the University of North Carolina,
[34:46] and she researches positive emotions.
[34:55] Her first book was called, "Positivity",
[34:58] and she uses lovingkindness meditation
[35:00] often as the intervention to try
[35:04] to bring forth a positive state.
[35:07] So, positive emotions, I'm
not sure lovingkindness
[35:09] is an emotion, but a positive state.
[35:13] Lovingkindness, gratitude,
[35:16] a sense of balance, of
equanimity, interest, curiosity.
[35:24] So, one of the things in her book,
[35:26] which I found very compelling, was,
[35:29] she has this theory about positive states
[35:32] that we don't, if we choose
to, we don't cultivate them
[35:35] just to be like giddy and
oblivious to the pain in the world
[35:39] or things like that, but she
has this two-fold theory.
[35:43] One is about broadening our perspective
[35:46] and the other is about building
a sense of inner resource.
[35:51] So, broaden and build is her theory.
[35:54] The broaden part comes
from, really the opposite
[35:57] of what I was just saying,
there's certain states
[36:00] that constrict us and make
our world incredibly small
[36:04] and then there are other
states which just open us up,
[36:09] and we just feel this
sense of expansiveness
[36:12] and connection in a much bigger way.
[36:16] And, one of the things I always quote,
[36:18] 'cause I found it like so spooky,
[36:20] is that in doing that
research, what they found was
[36:24] that as people cultivated
these positive states,
[36:29] not only was it that this
inner sense of broadening,
[36:32] of opening, but their peripheral
vision actually got better,
[36:37] like, isn't that spooky?
[36:39] Think about that, like whoa.
[36:45] That's the broaden part.
[36:46] And the build part was
that in the cultivation
[36:49] of these positive states,
[36:51] we build a sense of inner resource.
[36:55] Without that, at some point or another,
[36:59] we feel depleted, most likely, overcome,
[37:04] exhausted,
[37:07] shattered, we can't go on.
[37:09] And so, it's not because we're trying
[37:12] to ultimately avoid pain
or just sit home happily
[37:17] and never do anything about anything,
[37:20] but it's because we need
that sense of inner resource
[37:24] to go on, to actually be
effective, to sustain an effort.
[37:29] We can make an effort from a
lot of different motivations
[37:32] and from a lot of different places,
[37:35] but to sustain an effort
well tends to involve
[37:41] not being motivated just
by rage, for example,
[37:46] but to have a sense of
possibility, resilience,
[37:53] something else happening
inside that allows us to give
[37:57] or care, or even pay
attention to somebody else.
[38:00] You know what it's like,
[38:01] I'm sure you know what
it's like, actually.
[38:05] And when we, two questions,
anyone can tell me
[38:07] if it's not like that for them,
[38:08] but to be like really overwhelmed,
[38:13] feel just really overwhelmed and exhausted
[38:16] and then somebody start
telling you their story,
[38:21] and it's like, please don't, you know.
[38:23] (laughing)
[38:25] And, even if you listen, or
look like you're listening,
[38:28] you're not really listening (laughing).
[38:29] You know, 'cause it's just like,
[38:31] I can't take in anything else.
[38:35] And then, if you combine that, many
[38:37] of us have this sort of weird conditioning
[38:39] about feeling we are solely responsible
[38:43] for fixing everything.
[38:47] So, you have the exhaustion
and that secret feeling
[38:50] that makes you kind of
like, oh, I can't, you know.
[38:56] I mean, you really can't
sustain an effort, nobody can,
[39:00] in generosity and caring and service
[39:03] and trying to make this a better world.
[39:05] That's why those states
are really important,
[39:10] cultivating kind of a
positive sense of resilience.
[39:14] And that's what will help
balance the prevalence
[39:20] of what might be very strong conditioning
[39:24] toward more difficult kinds of states.
[39:26] So, that's like the inner enemy.
[39:30] We have the outer enemy,
which is a being, you know,
[39:34] or maybe many beings.
[39:36] We have the inner enemy,
which is these states.
[39:39] We have what's called a secret enemy,
[39:45] and that's a more fundamental
question of worldview.
[39:49] You know, like, how alone
do we really think we are?
[39:55] Do we experience this as
a world of interconnection
[40:00] or is it so solitary that
it's really governed by,
[40:06] you know, it's a dog-eat-dog world
[40:09] and you can never let your guard down,
[40:14] and, you know, nobody
ever did anything for me.
[40:19] I once, like, semi-ruined
this young woman's life
[40:24] by the phrase it's a dog-eat-dog world.
[40:27] I was teaching, co-teaching
this like six-day program
[40:33] and in the beginning I used that phrase,
[40:35] it's a dog-eat-dog world, and I thought,
[40:37] what a weird phrase, you know,
it's a dog-eat-dog world?
[40:41] So this woman got up to the
microphone and she said,
[40:46] I never knew that was the phrase.
[40:49] My whole life I thought it
was, it's a doggie-dog world.
[40:53] (laughing)
[40:55] You know, like puppies and like meadows.
[41:02] So, I never knew it was
a dog-eat-dog world.
[41:06] So, six days went by and
then the end, the last day,
[41:09] she went back to the
microphone and she said,
[41:12] I refuse to live in a dog-eat-dog world.
[41:15] She said, I'm gonna live
in a doggie-dog world.
[41:19] Okay.
[41:21] So, the problem with having a
sense of complete separation
[41:27] or isolation is that
it's actually not true.
[41:31] We do live in an interconnected universe,
[41:34] that's how things are.
[41:35] It's not always pleasant
reflection, you know,
[41:38] but, our lives really are connected,
[41:41] everyone's life has
something to do with mine.
[41:46] We can just sit for a few moments.
[41:48] We can actually do my favorite
reflection here together.
[41:54] Just think about anybody
[41:57] who was involved in any way
in your being here right now.
[42:06] Just see who pops up in your mind.
[42:11] Somebody tell you about this place,
[42:14] somebody tell you about
their meditation practice,
[42:18] somebody lend you a book, read you a poem.
[42:26] Maybe somebody in this
room was in the store
[42:30] and just thought, I'm gonna
go in there, you know,
[42:35] but mostly not, if anybody at all.
[42:42] We're all here because of
conversations we've had
[42:45] with people and interactions
[42:47] and relationships and influences.
[42:52] See who comes to mind.
[43:06] Sometimes I do this reflection and I think
[43:08] about the Board of Regents
the state of New York,
[43:11] which gave me a scholarship
which was how I was able
[43:13] to go to college, which is how I ended up
[43:15] in India studying meditation
through this college program,
[43:20] 'cause without them, I wouldn't
be sitting here right now.
[43:26] And, sometimes when I do
this reflection I think
[43:28] about those people whose
actions have really hurt me,
[43:33] not just the ones I find kind
of annoying or difficult,
[43:36] but I think about those times
[43:37] in my life I really felt
like I was at an edge,
[43:40] like, I have got to change my relationship
[43:45] to what's happening or I won't be free,
[43:48] 'cause they're a part of
why I'm here right now too.
[43:54] This moment in time is a
confluence of all of that,
[43:59] as is every moment in time.
[44:01] So, however alone we might feel,
[44:05] the actual truth is that we live
[44:07] in an interconnected universe.
[44:17] So, thank you.
[44:19] Now there are a lot more
of us in here, right?
[44:25] So, this doesn't mean you like everybody.
[44:28] It doesn't actually even
mean you like anybody,
[44:32] but there's this deep knowing
our lives have something
[44:35] to do with one another, that the strict
[44:38] and rigid sense of self and other
[44:41] and us and them that we tend
to live by is a construct,
[44:47] it's manufactured, it's made up.
[44:52] That the truth is much more
about we than about me and you.
[45:04] And then the most secret enemy,
[45:07] after the outer enemy, the inner
enemy and the secret enemy,
[45:11] Bob called it a kind of self-loathing.
[45:13] I think of it more like hopelessness.
[45:19] It's the sense of, I
don't have the capacity
[45:22] to be different, that
nothing can really change.
[45:31] And, this is, you know, it's
a very strong conditioning.
[45:35] It tends to be a very
strong cultural conditioning
[45:37] in many ways for a lot of people.
[45:41] And it's in big contrast
[45:45] to what, I felt like I
discovered in exploring,
[45:52] say Buddhist teaching or Eastern teaching
[45:56] about just the nature of the mind.
[45:59] You know, like what will you find
[46:00] if you look really deep inside?
[46:04] Is it sort of like a pit, you know,
[46:06] of unpleasantness and despair,
or is there a capacity?
[46:12] It may be a quite unawakened capacity.
[46:15] It might be buried under a
tremendous amount of conditioning
[46:20] but is there the
possibility of real change
[46:25] of connection, of love, of caring
[46:29] for yourself and for others?
[46:31] So, of course, that teaching
would say, absolutely.
[46:34] It doesn't matter who you
are, what you've done,
[46:37] what you've been through,
what you may yet go through,
[46:40] that capacity, that possibility
is never, ever destroyed.
[46:46] And, so we do various
practices like meditation
[46:50] to awaken it, to rest
there and to nurture it,
[46:54] to bring it forth so that it comes alive.
[46:58] One of my favorite quotes, um,
[47:02] is from this movie, Dan in Real Life,
[47:05] which my goddaughter actually was in
[47:06] when she was really a little girl.
[47:09] She didn't have any speaking lines.
[47:11] She barked at one point
because it was a talent show
[47:17] and she was auditioning in the talent show
[47:19] and that was actually her
audition for the movie was to bark
[47:23] and apparently she did it well
because she was in the movie.
[47:27] But there's a line in the movie
which says something like,
[47:29] love is not a feeling, it's an ability.
[47:34] And, of course, you know,
it's Valentine's Day,
[47:36] we think of it as a feeling, right?
[47:38] And we can know it as a feeling,
[47:41] but think about love as an ability,
[47:44] as something we can exercise,
[47:46] as something that we can bring forth.
[47:50] And, of course, it takes
tremendous understanding.
[47:52] Go back to that first kind
of enemy, the outer enemy,
[47:56] what does it mean to love your enemy?
[48:00] If you think it means giving
in, I mean, why really?
[48:03] We don't need to cultivate that,
[48:05] you know, we can do that anyway.
[48:08] And, if you think it means losing sight
[48:12] of what you consider to
be right, to be correct,
[48:16] you know, that's not worth, we don't need
[48:19] to go down that road either.
[48:22] What if it means
[48:27] being able to take very strong action,
[48:30] but not quite from the place we're used
[48:34] to taking strong action from,
[48:36] with a sense of hatred, perhaps, or fear?
[48:44] What if we were taking
really strong action
[48:47] from a whole other place,
[48:48] like, may all the bad people
find the love in their hearts?
[48:55] That's the possibility
that is being offered,
[49:00] and, of course, it depends
on our own experience.
[49:03] It's not just to believe
it, but to experiment,
[49:06] like, what's it like?
[49:08] What's it like with myself
when I see those same issues
[49:13] and I regard them and
myself with compassion
[49:18] instead of with scorn?
[49:21] What's it like?
[49:23] What's it like when I see
someone else's behavior
[49:26] and determine to try to protect myself
[49:29] or protect someone else,
[49:31] but don't quite cast them into that, um,
[49:37] place where they're so far the other
[49:42] that I'm just caught in
the same old dynamic,
[49:48] like, what's it like?
[49:49] Is it possible?
[49:52] And that's kind of the experiment we make.
[49:54] And so, in some ways,
the most secret enemy,
[49:57] that sense of like, nothing to be done,
[50:00] you know, I'm just who I
am, is the most insidious,
[50:05] because if we have any kind of glimmer
[50:08] of a sense of possibility,
[50:10] then we just do the work and we see.
[50:15] And I certainly feel like what I've seen
[50:17] just in these years that
I've been practicing is,
[50:21] is a whole world of strength
[50:23] that I never would have
imagined was really strength,
[50:27] just from my concepts, you
know, and my conditioning.
[50:31] And I've seen that, for all we might think
[50:34] of something like kindness or compassion
[50:38] as sort of a secondary
virtue, you know, like,
[50:42] if you can't be courageous
and you can't be brilliant
[50:45] and you can't be wonderful, it's like,
[50:47] okay, be kind, just nice.
[50:49] You know, it's not great,
but it's good, it's good.
[50:55] But really, if you think about a time
[50:57] when somebody was kind toward you,
[51:02] you know, we don't tend to
think of those people with,
[51:06] oh, that was a pathetic person.
[51:09] You know, there's a
lot of gratitude there.
[51:11] They saw something in
me I couldn't even see
[51:13] in myself at that time,
[51:14] or because of them I found the energy
[51:18] to make a kind of change,
something like that.
[51:22] So, I just see it as a
time, especially now,
[51:27] where we can do tremendous exploration
[51:33] and find ways that perhaps
are very, very different.
[51:38] And, I think, in the end,
actually, will prove, hopefully,
[51:43] to be much more effective
in creating change.
[51:48] So, I'm gonna stop here
and hope to hear from you.
[51:55] In whatever's on your mind.
[51:58] We have a few minutes
[51:59] and then we're gonna go
back to Lily and the band.
[52:03] (laughing)
[52:05] Can I call myself part of the band?
[52:11] - [Teana] So, does anybody
have a question for Sharon?
[52:18] - [Man] Yeah, hi, sorry.
[52:20] - It's okay.
[52:20] - [Man] I was just reading
Thich Nat Hahn's new book today
[52:24] and he was talking about
during The Vietnam War,
[52:27] when he developed his whole
concept of engaged Buddhism,
[52:30] and how connecting
mindfulness to activism.
[52:34] So, it'd be really good for you
to talk about at this moment
[52:39] in time, both nationally
and internationally,
[52:42] when we're seeing this sort
of darkness seep back in,
[52:45] about, mostly, why you see
this energy coming back in
[52:51] at this point when we're
facing so many challenges
[52:53] in the world, economic,
social, environmental,
[52:56] and what is the role of activism,
[52:58] of mindfulness into action.
[53:02] - Well, I don't think I know yet,
[53:04] but, or I don't think I have the answer,
[53:06] but I'm sure there's a role.
[53:11] And one of the things Thich Nat Hahn said,
[53:13] he came to visit the
Insight Meditation Society
[53:15] many years ago, before
he got kind of so famous.
[53:21] It was really fun and interesting.
[53:23] I remember we have him a tour, of course,
[53:25] and we went to the garden
and he said something like,
[53:27] oh, our garden's very messy too.
[53:29] And I went, okay (laughing).
[53:31] I guess our garden's really messy.
[53:36] But, somebody, you know, we
were hanging out with him,
[53:39] and somebody asked him
a question, they said,
[53:40] something like, when
The Vietnam War happened
[53:42] to the Vietnamese people, and he said,
[53:46] The Vietnam War did not just happen
[53:49] to the Vietnamese people,
it happened to everybody.
[53:53] You know, that there were
ripple effects, really globally.
[53:58] And I think that's the vision
[53:59] that we have the possibility of having.
[54:03] It's not just other people
who are being affected
[54:05] by certain actions, it's everybody.
[54:08] And, I look back, you know,
[54:12] like in the Civil Rights
Movement in this country,
[54:14] I was a little young to be
marching and stuff, maybe.
[54:20] But, there were a few things.
[54:22] One is that I consider it a
deeply spiritual movement.
[54:26] You know, if you look at those people,
[54:32] registering people to vote in
the South where they couldn't
[54:36] and, you know, getting
beaten and attacked.
[54:40] And you watch them just
get down on the ground
[54:42] and pray before they went out there.
[54:46] You know, it was the black
church, it was synagogues,
[54:48] it was a lot of religious institutions
[54:53] that were helping people
do that kind of work
[54:57] and I don't know exactly
what it's gonna be now.
[55:00] I think there needs to
be that spiritual energy.
[55:04] We need to connect to
something bigger, each of us.
[55:09] 'Cause none of this is easy, you know,
[55:11] it's not a straight shot.
[55:12] The other part about the
Civil Rights Movement
[55:13] which just struck me one day,
[55:17] and I thought wow, you know,
I had previously thought,
[55:21] as many of us do, like, without the,
[55:25] how should I say this?
[55:26] It's like I had been
thinking with the constraints
[55:28] of history, so that I would think, wow,
[55:32] how amazing people had the
courage and the strength
[55:36] to do what they did,
[55:39] almost like they knew it was gonna work,
[55:42] and then I realized they
did it without knowing
[55:44] if it was gonna work, they just did it.
[55:48] You know, we look back and think,
[55:49] yeah, it worked, wow, you know,
[55:51] but imagine what it takes
when you don't know,
[55:54] 'cause we actually never really do know.
[55:58] And so I really believe that in,
[56:01] at least in some parts
of whatever develops now,
[56:08] there are so many people who
are practicing mindfulness
[56:11] or different kinds of practices,
[56:16] they may or may not have an affiliation
[56:18] with a kind of structured
religious institution,
[56:23] but there's a lot of kind of
soul force there, you know?
[56:27] And, my hope is that it will
really translate into that.
[56:32] So, I'm looking at my friend over there.
[56:34] I was teaching somewhere
else the other night
[56:36] and I mentioned how before the election
[56:39] and really for many
years, I've been really
[56:43] on the bandwagon urging people to vote.
[56:46] You know, because I believe
that's a real expression
[56:49] or our innate dignity,
like everybody has a voice,
[56:55] everybody should exercise that voice.
[56:58] Everybody's view is worth something
[57:00] and, you know, I don't
go around telling people
[57:02] who to vote for, but I think
everybody really needs to vote.
[57:06] And, I was doing a program in DC
[57:08] with Congressman Tim Ryan from Ohio
[57:11] and it's supposed to be about mindfulness
[57:13] and I just kept telling
people, you need to vote.
[57:16] And Tim turned to me and said,
[57:17] are you running for office or something?
[57:19] (laughing)
[57:20] And I said, no, you are, actually.
[57:24] And it was not a very popular position,
[57:27] like, what I was saying
the other night was that,
[57:31] I had written different
things in different places,
[57:36] and I read the comments one day,
[57:39] which is usually a mistake.
[57:42] And, you know, I think so much less
[57:45] of you than I did before.
[57:47] Why are you asking people to
participate in an evil system
[57:53] or the next comment was
like a violent system.
[57:56] And, I realized, it's not
gonna be universally popular,
[58:00] although it helped him,
which made me very happy.
[58:03] (laughing)
[58:08] And so, it's finding that place
[58:12] which you feel is consonant
with your deepest values,
[58:15] I think, and really working toward that,
[58:19] 'cause this time is gonna demand it,
[58:21] you know, each of us, and
vote, whatever you do.
[58:25] - [Teana] Another question?
[58:32] - [Christina] Hi, how are you?
[58:33] I'm Christina, thank you so much for that.
[58:36] I'm wondering if you
think that it's possible
[58:40] or appropriate to classify a sense of,
[58:44] like, anger as righteous,
[58:49] specifically, maybe in the context
[58:51] of a response to oppression,
[58:54] whether individual or systemic.
[58:56] - Mm hmm.
[58:56] - [Christina] And if
that can be compatible
[59:01] or productive even with the endeavor
[59:04] of opening one's heart
[59:06] and consciousness.
- Mm hmm.
[59:10] I think it can be compatible.
[59:12] I think a very big
question, and I learned this
[59:16] from my real activist friends,
[59:19] a real question is, does
it become a chronic state,
[59:23] and can you dial it down ever?
[59:26] You know, like I have friends
who are amazing activists
[59:29] and who were awakened to various truths
[59:34] about how people were
living, through witnessing it
[59:39] and feeling that kind of righteous anger,
[59:42] and one in particular, she said to me,
[59:43] we were on a panel together somewhere,
[59:45] and she was saying, I don't
know how to dial it down.
[59:48] You know, and she said, neither
does anybody I work with.
[59:50] She said, now we turn it on each other.
[59:53] You know, and there's no respite.
[59:55] It's like there's no place of recovery,
[59:58] you know, and kind of
gathering energy again
[1:00:02] and, you know, if you think
about when we're inspired,
[1:00:07] the kind of effort we put into something
[1:00:10] and when we're just outraged,
[1:00:12] the kind of effort we put into something.
[1:00:13] So, I think many, many people, you know,
[1:00:19] we tend to need that kind
of awakening, you know,
[1:00:25] and that energy, but,
[1:00:30] I've had, and I've also had
many activist friends tell me
[1:00:32] they can't enjoy anything.
[1:00:34] They can't let themselves enjoy anything,
[1:00:36] 'cause they feel too guilty, you know,
[1:00:38] it's like turning away from
the tremendous suffering,
[1:00:43] which seems like a recipe for burnout.
[1:00:45] They were pretty burned out, actually.
[1:00:48] You know, like there needs
[1:00:50] to be a different sense of balance.
[1:00:51] And, I didn't like that word,
balance, for a very long time.
[1:00:54] I thought it was very dull,
[1:00:59] and kind of mediocre, you know,
[1:01:02] like who really wants to devote themselves
[1:01:05] to getting to be more balanced?
[1:01:07] It's like nothing.
[1:01:11] I was thinking nebbishy, for
those of you who speak Yiddish,
[1:01:13] you know, it's like nothing,
it's like bland, you know.
[1:01:21] And I was actually involved at this place,
[1:01:24] The Garrison Institute,
in Garrison, New York.
[1:01:28] We did a four-year program bringing tools
[1:01:33] of meditation and yoga to
domestic violence shelter workers.
[1:01:40] There were actually two
stories out of that.
[1:01:43] One was that we started
with frontline workers
[1:01:48] and the directors and supervisors
[1:01:49] of the shelters got really
moved by what they were seeing.
[1:01:52] So, they wanted a program,
[1:01:54] so we did like a parallel track for them.
[1:01:59] And so they themselves
came up with this term
[1:02:03] about the workplace that they
were trying to bring about
[1:02:07] which was a culture of wellness.
[1:02:10] And a culture can be the entire workplace,
[1:02:13] it could be your desk, it
could be your body and mind.
[1:02:15] So, and they all had different ideas
[1:02:18] about how to help create
this culture of wellness
[1:02:21] and this one woman said,
was a director of a shelter,
[1:02:24] she said, I've decided that I'm gonna try
[1:02:28] to take a lunch break.
[1:02:31] And, everyone in the room who did not work
[1:02:33] at a shelter was completely aghast,
[1:02:35] and we said, you don't take a lunch break?
[1:02:37] Like, is it in your contract?
[1:02:39] And she said, oh yeah,
it's in my contract,
[1:02:40] but never enough time.
[1:02:44] Everything is urgent, it's all terrible,
[1:02:48] people need me always, but she said,
[1:02:51] now, I see I can't go on, actually,
[1:02:54] unless I kind of do that.
[1:02:57] So, 'cause we were meeting in
the city in between retreats,
[1:03:00] we got to hear her progress, so,
[1:03:02] first time she came in
she said, it didn't work.
[1:03:05] She said, I closed the door,
but somebody crouched down
[1:03:08] and looked through the keyhole
and saw I was in there,
[1:03:11] so I didn't get a break,
[1:03:14] but maybe like three
weeks later, it worked.
[1:03:17] She said, it worked
because I closed the door
[1:03:21] and turned off the
lights, and I got a break.
[1:03:24] And I thought of that whole trajectory,
[1:03:28] probably the hardest part was
realizing that she needed it
[1:03:32] and that she was gonna go for it.
[1:03:34] So, it was one story, the other story,
[1:03:36] which I started out thinking
about telling was that
[1:03:39] at some point the
Garrison Institute decided
[1:03:42] to shift the program to one of working
[1:03:46] with international
humanitarian aid workers,
[1:03:49] and so everything had to be rewritten,
[1:03:51] like all the pamphlets and the brochures
[1:03:53] and the materials.
[1:03:55] So, they hired this marketing firm,
[1:03:56] and I was in this marketing meeting,
[1:03:59] and I said something like, you know,
[1:04:01] the state we're trying
to help people achieve,
[1:04:05] I know it's not a good
word, I know it's boring,
[1:04:10] I know it's really like unappealing,
[1:04:13] but the state is one of balance.
[1:04:16] And everyone from the marketing
team started laughing at me,
[1:04:19] and they said, you know who
really likes the word balance?
[1:04:22] Anyone who feels like
they're out of balance.
[1:04:26] They said, that's a lot of people.
[1:04:30] That's a good word.
[1:04:32] You know, we tend to think of balance
[1:04:34] as something that will
make us go back to sleep,
[1:04:36] but I don't think of it that
way, in truth, you know.
[1:04:40] I think it's like resilience.
[1:04:42] It's having the capacity to find one's way
[1:04:45] without burning out so much.
[1:04:50] - [Host] Maybe one last quick question?
[1:04:51] - Mm hmm.
[1:04:53] - [Teana] Anyone?
[1:04:57] - Oh, maybe not.
[1:04:58] Oh, there's one, yes.
[1:05:05] - [Man] Thank you, Sharon.
[1:05:06] - Mm hmm.
[1:05:08] - [Man] Thank you, Lily, also.
[1:05:12] Addressing this gentleman's point again,
[1:05:15] can meditation lead to activism?
[1:05:19] So, I've been wondering for a few years,
[1:05:22] if through meditation
[1:05:25] can we arrive at a natural
kind of social engagement
[1:05:31] through the experience of compassion?
[1:05:35] Is there a natural development,
[1:05:37] then that maybe leads to
engagement and activism
[1:05:41] with a different sensibility than anger.
[1:05:45] - Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh.
[1:05:47] - [Man] You know, maybe.
[1:05:48] - I think meditation
will lead to compassion.
[1:05:52] I think that's absolutely true.
[1:05:55] People's expression is also very personal.
[1:05:59] Like, what if you're an
artist, does that count,
[1:06:01] you know, as social engagement?
[1:06:04] I think it should.
[1:06:08] I think that
[1:06:12] there are other things
[1:06:16] that help forge one's
sense of social engagement,
[1:06:20] like community, for example.
[1:06:22] Because, I definitely think
the meditation will lead
[1:06:26] to the compassion, and compassion, um,
[1:06:33] could well have more creative
outlets with understanding.
[1:06:39] So, for example, I have no
doubt that, as you practice,
[1:06:45] and we've seen this thousands of times,
[1:06:49] if you're approached by
someone on the street asking
[1:06:52] for money, you may or may
not give them the money,
[1:06:55] but there's a recognition,
this is a human being.
[1:07:00] And there is, that grows.
[1:07:03] Whether you then go on to consider,
[1:07:05] what's the housing policy of this city?
[1:07:08] You know, and what's
the percentage of people
[1:07:11] who are living on the street
and when did this happen?
[1:07:14] You know, that's another thing.
[1:07:18] And not everybody will, I
think, make that other leap,
[1:07:24] and that's why I think
of things like community
[1:07:26] and understanding and information
and other things will,
[1:07:30] for those people who are
gonna express their compassion
[1:07:34] in that way, yeah.
[1:07:35] - [Man] So, I guess
perhaps it's the experience
[1:07:38] of recognizing interconnectivity.
[1:07:41] - Yeah.
[1:07:42] - [Man] Actual connection that, you know,
[1:07:45] you jump past me and it's about us.
[1:07:49] - Yeah.
[1:07:51] - [Man] And actual kind
of tactile experience
[1:07:52] of interconnectivity.
[1:07:54] - Yeah, I mean that's what I mean
[1:07:55] by saying that meditation
will lead to compassion,
[1:07:58] but since your question was actually
[1:07:59] about social engagement,
which I think is different
[1:08:02] than just the experience of compassion.
[1:08:06] I think people, first of
all, will express compassion
[1:08:10] in a thousand different
ways, very genuinely so.
[1:08:14] I'm counting on the artists of our time
[1:08:16] to lead me on and keep me inspired.
[1:08:22] And for those people for
whom their compassion
[1:08:27] will be expressed in that
kind of classical sense
[1:08:30] of social engagement, you know,
[1:08:34] I think we all need help in taking
[1:08:39] that feeling of compassion
and translating it
[1:08:43] into what would a bigger
structural change look like
[1:08:46] or what are the deeper questions to ask
[1:08:50] about how things have come
to be the way that they are,
[1:08:54] and everybody needs to
vote, no matter what.
[1:08:56] (laughing)
[1:08:57] So, thank you.
[1:08:59] (applauding)
[1:09:04] - [Lily] So, while everyone's getting,
[1:09:06] while the band is getting settled,
[1:09:09] I'll just tell you a little
bit about this practice,
[1:09:12] because I know it's new for many of you.
[1:09:17] So, this style of
call-and-response chanting,
[1:09:25] kind of hails from India
for many generations,
[1:09:28] and you can approach it very much
[1:09:32] like you would a meditation
practice or a yoga practice.
[1:09:36] Here, the anchor, instead
of being the breath
[1:09:41] or your beautiful triangle pose,
[1:09:44] is the mantras. So that's both
the singing of the mantras
[1:09:51] and the listening back of the mantras.
[1:09:52] So, it's really beautiful
[1:09:53] because it's such a community experience,
[1:09:57] slightly different from
your lovely singing
[1:10:00] in the shower that you did earlier today.
[1:10:04] And so, again and again, it's just kind
[1:10:08] of gathering your attention
into "I'm singing the mantra"
[1:10:13] and gathering your
attention into "I'm hearing"
[1:10:17] So, I listen to you, you listen to me,
[1:10:19] back and forth like that.
[1:10:22] And, the secret ingredient, of course,
[1:10:25] is this capacity to begin
again, over and over,
[1:10:28] because, let's face it,
it's like half a mantra
[1:10:33] and you're like at Ikea
in your brain (laughing)
[1:10:37] and then it's your Twitter feed
and your this and your that.
[1:10:41] So, that key component is really
coming back to the mantras,
[1:10:45] the anchor, and beginning again.
[1:10:54] And I'm so grateful for this
lovely group of musicians here.
[1:10:58] They make it all so sweet.
[1:11:00] I have Terrence on drums
and Tom on kartals,
[1:11:05] Sundar Das on bansuri flutes,
Noah, behind me on cello
[1:11:10] and Nina singing response vocals.
[1:11:17] (chanting music)
[1:22:15] - [Lily] Thank you so much
for sharing your practice
[1:22:18] and being here tonight.
[1:22:20] Thank you Sharon.
[1:22:24] (applauding)
[1:22:35] And, happy loving.
[1:22:37] (laughing)
